Winter Break

22: Winter Break


The morning after the Ball marked the start of the Christmas break, and the castle was in a frenzy, with students completing their last-minute packing. Since Harry wasn’t travelling on the Hogwarts Express, he decided to stay in bed a little late, basking in the luxury of the warm feeling washing over him . Last night was a good night. A really good night. His mind flashed on images of Ginny looking stunning in her dress robes, kissing him under the Weasley Whiz-Bang-lit sky…

He couldn’t help but feel a slight twinge of apprehension about it, though. He felt happy for the first time in a very long time, but it seemed like every time something good happened, something terrible quickly followed. Neither can live while the other survives…

Harry tried to shake these dark thoughts from his mind. Voldemort didn’t get to hold all the cards. If he started letting the fear dictate his life, Voldemort had already won, and there was no sense even fighting it anymore. The way to win was to keep on living. Well, maybe not the way to win, but the way to survive it, anyway. He was going to spend Christmas with the people most important to him. He was going to get some time alone with Ginny. For these next few days, Voldemort could just back off.

He had enlarged his backpack to hold what he needed, and he quickly filled it with some clothes to wear and gifts for those at Grimmauld Place. He had to wait for the Hogwarts Express to depart before he could Apparate, just in case anyone was watching. He’d planned on walking Ron, Hermione, and Ginny out to the waiting carriages; Dumbledore had nixed letting him go to the train station. Harry didn’t want to put anyone in danger, so he readily agreed.

He hurried down the stairs from the boy’s dormitory and found Ginny in the common room. His stomach did a complete 180 as he looked at her standing there. No amount of self-control could stop the grin that spread across his features. Ginny smiled in return and walked over to meet him.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” she said. “You missed breakfast.”

Harry shrugged his shoulders. “Decided to have a lie-in. Are you all packed?” He felt absurdly shy and wasn’t certain why. He wanted to lean over and kiss her, but found himself holding back. Am I allowed to just do that?

Ginny seemed rather flustered herself. “Yes, I’m ready.”

They were interrupted when Ron and Hermione crawled through the portrait hole. Hermione had a stack of toast wrapped in a napkin that she proceeded to hand to Harry. He smiled his gratitude. “Thanks.”

Ron just stood there staring at him, looking like the cat that swallowed the canary. Harry tired to ignore him by walking over to a table and sitting down to start on his toast, but Ron wouldn’t be sidetracked so easily. He followed him over to the table and sat across from him, continuing to smile. It was beginning to grate on Harry’s nerves. Finally, he looked up in exasperation. “What?”

“Nothing.” Ron continued to smile. “I was just wondering when you were going to make the announcement to Mum. She’s always dreamed of planning the wedding of her only daughter, and Merlin knows she loves you . She’s just going to have kittens.”

Harry sprayed the tea he was drinking all over the table, and Ginny had to pat him on the back to get his coughing under control. “Leave him alone, Ron,” she growled, glaring at Ron.

Hermione was laughing, herself. “Come on, Ginny. He might as well get used to it. He’s about to spend the entire holiday with your brothers, three of whom witnessed your snogfest on the dance floor last night. Certainly, the twins have spread the news to the rest of the clan by now.”

Harry felt his cheeks flame at her words, and he dropped his head into his hands; they are going to be unmerciful. “Maybe I should just stay here.”

“You’ll do no such thing,” Ginny replied firmly, but then her face seemed to lose some of its confidence. “Don’t let them ruin your Christmas.”

Ginny’s face took on a guarded expression, and it dawned on Harry that she was worried he didn’t want to face her family, because he regretted what had happened. He found himself annoyed at both Ron and himself for making her feel that way. Standing up, he firmly took Ginny by the hand and said, “Come on, I’ll walk you down. Nothing is going to ruin this Christmas.”

Ginny smiled her relief and couldn’t resist turning to Ron as Harry lifted her backpack from the chair. She stuck her tongue out at her brother, who continued to chuckle as they all made their way out of the castle. Harry enjoyed the feeling of her smaller hand in his as they walked out. Their shoulders brushed up against each other, sending warm waves of feeling crashing through his belly.

Colin Creevey caught up with them before they left and handed them some pictures he’d taken at the Ball. There were nice shots of each couple entering the festivities, as well as a great picture of the four of them sitting at the table. The final was one of Harry and Ginny in their embrace after the encounter with Cho. Ron made a grab for it, but Harry’s Seeker instincts were quicker. He handed the picture to Ginny.

“Keep that away from your brothers.”

He walked them down to the awaiting carriages and sheepishly handed Ginny her backpack. “This is as far as I can go,” he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets. Hogwarts had never felt more like a prison.

“You’re going to take a Portkey back, right, mate?” Ron asked. “You’ll be there before us. I don’t see why we can’t just all take it together.”

“Honestly, Ron. It’s so that no one suspects Harry is leaving,” Hermione hissed.

Harry hated lying to them, so he remained silent and allowed them their assumptions. Hermione grabbed Ron’s arm and led him into the carriage. “We’ll see you inside, Ginny.”

He waited until they were firmly closed inside before turning to Ginny. She was staring at the Thestrals with a troubled look on her face.

“They really are kind of creepy, aren’t they?” she whispered.

Harry started, his eyes opening wide. “You can see them?”

Ginny nodded somberly. “I could when we returned, because of Hestia…”

Harry was stunned. “You never said anything. Ron and Hermione, too?”

Ginny grabbed his shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze. “You were still dealing with an awful lot and hadn’t completely recovered from your injuries. We thought it best not to tell you. It’s not your fault, Harry.”

Harry felt guilty, more because he hadn’t realized that his friends could now all see the leathery creatures than because of why they could. “I’m sorry.”

Ginny held his face in between her hands. “Harry, we’re at war, and my family is heavily involved. That’s how it should be; the cause is worthwhile. No matter how difficult it becomes, we all have to remember that.”

He sighed, knowing she was right. He still wished he could somehow shield all of them from the uglier side of the war, however. He had to learn how to accept that he couldn’t, not yet, anyway. He shook his head and brought his thoughts back to the girl standing in front him.

“Sorry. I’d much rather ride back with you, but I can’t.” Despite his newfound enjoyment of Apparition, he honestly meant it. He’d prefer to ride the train back with his friends.

“It’s no big deal, really, Harry. We’ll do whatever we all have to do, just so long as we can all be together for Christmas, right?”

He liked her attitude. “Right.” He leaned down and gently caught her lips with his own. He intended for it to be a brief peck goodbye, but somehow, once he started, he found he didn’t want to stop. Ginny wound her arms around his neck and returned the intensity of the kiss with her own. Finally, he pulled back, panting.

After he found his voice, he said, “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

Ginny had a shell-shocked expression on her face, and he knew exactly how she was feeling. He felt the same. “Okay, bye.”

“Bye.”

Both turned and walked in their own directions with their heads spinning, the same dazed expression on each of their faces.

**********

Professors Dumbledore and Snape watched Harry as he made his way back up the castle steps from the window in the Headmaster’s office. Both wore worried expressions on their faces, although Snape’s still came off as more of a scowl.

“Are you certain that you still want to allow Potter to return to Headquarters for the holidays?”

“I am,” Dumbledore said, nodding. “I do not think it would be healthy for him to spend Christmas here alone.”

“Still, Headmaster, perhaps it would be safer if he remained at Hogwarts. As I told you, the Dark Lord is aware of his feelings for Miss Weasley. Lucius gave him a full update on her involvement with the Chamber; he won’t hesitate to use her again. My concern is that he gained his information before the Ball had even ended. This is not the first time he’s got information from the school, and I’m no further along in determining the source. I fear we have to consider the possibility of a spy.”

“Let us not be too hasty, Severus. Any number of the students could have easily informed their parents what happened here last night. He did kiss her rather intensely, right in the middle of the dance floor.” The twinkle in Dumbledore’s eye shown brightly, and he seemed to be struggling to withhold a grin. The expression seemed only to sour the Potions Master further.

“Yes, he’s as foolish as he is arrogant.”

“He is sixteen, Severus. Do you remember how it felt to be sixteen?”

“Sixteen or not, it is his duty not to make it easier for the Dark Lord to gain information. He clearly gave him yet another weapon, and we all know he won’t hesitate to use it. Potter should be focused on his training, not his hormones.”

“He has lost enough of his childhood, Severus; if he can find some measure of happiness amidst all the chaos that surrounds him, I will not interfere with that.”

**********

Harry waited in the common room for another hour before grabbing his backpack and heading out the door. He ambled slowly to the gate and stood just outside it, forming a mental picture of the street in front of Grimmauld Place. He smiled when he opened his eyes and realized he was there, still getting a thrill out of his new ability to Apparate.

Steeling himself, he took a deep breath and walked up to the immense front door. Molly Weasley swung it open wide and dragged him inside, as she wrapped him in a bone-crushing hug.

“Harry! It’s so good to see you, dear. How are you?”

“I’m fine, Mrs. Weasley. Didn’t splinch myself.”

“Well, of course you didn’t, dear. We had no worries about that. Come on inside and take your things up to your room. I’ve got lunch going in the kitchen, and Fred and George will be arriving soon. They’re going to go pick up Ron and Ginny at King’s Cross when the Express comes in.”

“Okay, Mrs. Weasley.”

Harry spent the afternoon in the kitchen with Mrs. Weasley, Fred and George. Both twins teased Harry good-naturedly about his exploits at the Ball, but to his immense relief, Mrs. Weasley refrained from commenting. The twins entertained them with stories of their joke shop and how business was going. Even Mrs. Weasley hid her grin at some of the products the twins had come up with, although mostly she clucked her tongue in disapproval of their antics. When it came time to go to King’s Cross, Harry really wanted to go with the twins, but resigned himself to staying put.

**********

Molly Weasley kept her eye surreptitiously on Harry, as they worked on the dinner together. He seemed to know his way around a kitchen, although he tended to do things the Muggle way before she would lean over and show him a spell. She imagined he’d had years of practice playing house elf for the miserable excuse of a family with whom he lived.

He seemed much happier than he had when he had been here over the summer, more relaxed and showing traces of the young man she remembered. His eyes still looked haunted, if she caught him at an unguarded moment. Ron had sent an owl to her after Harry had asked Ginny to go to the Ball, and Molly was anxious to get a firsthand look at how the two young people behaved toward one another. From what the twins had said, it sounded like they had a brilliant evening.

She’d put together bits and pieces about a rather passionate kiss on the dance floor. From what the twins had said, it had been in response to a jealous squabble about another girl. She was going to have to talk to Ginny about that. Still, Molly thought in amusement, it sounded like something Ginny would do. She’d grown up with six older brothers; she was used to fighting her own battles.

Molly was determined that for this holiday, they’d have the chance simply to be kids and enjoy all the giddiness and good feelings a new relationship could bring. They both deserved that. She knew her daughter had fancied Harry for a very long time, no matter how much she had more recently tried to deny it. Ginny’s owl posts about her new Ball gown had made it sound like her girl was simply glowing, and Molly was anxious to wrap her arms around her.

The attack on Hogsmeade had made her frantic, and Arthur had to physically restrain her from Flooing directly to Hogwarts and checking on the children herself. Albus had assured her they were all fine and in need of nothing more than a healthy dose of chocolate. Nevertheless, by halting further visits to the Wizarding village, yet another part of their childhood was being taken away from them.

She was dragged from her thoughts by a commotion in the Entrance Hall. She could hear the loud voices of her boys and rushed to quiet them, before they woke up that dreadful Mrs. Black. She called them all into the kitchen and had them sit with Harry on the long wooden bench at the dining table.

She watched the warmth flood Harry’s eyes as he looked at Ginny. Her daughter beamed at her new boyfriend, as she sat down next to him, and the two stared, lost in each other’s eyes, until Ron rudely elbowed Harry in the ribs.

“Snap out of it, Potter,” Ron grumbled, and Molly could tell he was in a foul mood after having to leave Hermione at King’s Cross.

“How was the trip back?” Harry asked, forcibly dragging his eyes away from Ginny.

Ron shrugged. “The usual. Malfoy stopped by to look for you. Ginny, here, stunned him.”

“Ginny!” Molly was scandalized.

“Well, I was going to use the Bat Bogey Hex again - it looked so perfect on him the last time - but what I really wanted was for him to just shut up. Stunning him worked better.” Ginny’s voice was adamant that she had done no wrong.

“He wanted to know why you weren’t spending Christmas with us,” Ron added. “Hermione thinks he’s still suspicious.”

“Well, I hoped she docked you some points for hexing him, Ginny,” Molly said. Ginny’s fighting with her brothers was one thing, but on the train with other students? That was not the way proper young ladies behaved.

“Nah,” Ginny smiled. “She was too busy stunning Crabbe.”

“And I got Goyle,” Ron added proudly.

“Honestly! What’s got into all of you?”

Harry smiled. “I’m certain it had something to do with the abandoned orphan boy spending Christmas alone, right?” He rolled his eyes as if it was something he typically put up with from the Slytherin.

“Among other things,” Ginny growled.

Molly could see the gratitude in Harry’s eyes that his friends would defend him, and she felt a sharp pang of anger toward the Malfoy boy, but she forced it down.

“Okay, all of you, I have two things we need to discuss,” Molly said. All four of her own children looked at her warily, recognizing the tone of her voice that meant they were about to get in trouble. Only Harry seemed as yet unaware of the coming storm. He was smiling and obviously pleased that his friends had arrived. She felt a slight misgiving about doing this now, but it had to be done.

“I’ve heard some things about a party that went on in the Gryffindor common room after your last Quidditch match. Now, you three,” she said sternly, pointing to Ron, Ginny and Harry in turn, “are underage, and I’m very disappointed in all of you. You all should know better. What if you’d been caught? You could have all been expelled! You’re a prefect, Ron; you should be setting a better example.”

Rounding on the twins, she continued, “I’m well aware who supplied the Firewhiskey and trust it won’t be happening again. Being of adult age means holding adult responsibilities, and it’s you two whom I’ll hold accountable. What you’ll get from either the Ministry or Hogwarts is nothing compared to what you’ll be getting from me.”

Molly watched their reactions closely. Ron’s ears turned red, as he smiled sheepishly and began studying his feet almost as soon as she started speaking. Ginny rolled her eyes in that annoying way she’d picked up around the age of eight. Fred and George stared right back unabashedly until her glare became too intense, and they moved their eyes to the floor, their ears as bright as Ron’s. It was Harry for whom she felt sorry. His eyes had widened in surprise when she began, and she watched the panic of being caught filter through him. He was now staring at the floor with the rest of them, his cheeks stained a bright pink; he was mortified.

She was having a hard time scolding Harry; her instincts were always to smother him with the warm tenderness she knew he’d been lacking. But if she intended to take on the role of parent, as she’d promised herself she’d do, then it needed to be done. She’d learned a long time ago, when Bill and Charlie were small, that being a good parent meant sometimes having to be the bad guy. It was a hard lesson to learn, but she felt her children had turned out right because of it. She was immensely proud of all of them, even Percy still.

Molly had coddled Percy more than the others. He was so different from the rest, and they had teased him so. She’d always felt the need to defend him. Looking back now, she was afraid that, in the long run, her attitude towards Percy had done him more harm than good. She was determined not to make the same mistake again with Harry. She shook her head to clear it; now was not the time.

“The other thing we need to talk about is Christmas. We won’t be having dinner here, after all. Your father and I have been back to the Burrow several times, and all is well there. We’re going to have dinner itself at the Burrow. I’ve invited the Grangers and Remus to join us. Christmas is a time for families, and celebrating joy, and the good things in life. We’re going to do that. We’ll return here afterwards, but dinner itself will be at the Burrow.”

Woots and whistles met this announcement, and a huge grin spread across Ron’s face, quickly displaced by one of nervousness.

“Mr. and Mrs. Granger, too?” he asked.

“Yes,” Molly answered. “Nothing is going to spoil this Christmas, and we’re all going to enjoy ourselves.”

**********

While Ron and Ginny disappeared to put their things away, Harry remained in the kitchen. He was used to the Dursley form of discipline, which usually involved a backhand or a strong dose of criticism. Somehow, he thought the stern disapproval in Mrs. Weasley’s eyes was infinitely worse. The fact that she was disappointed in him really bothered him, and he found himself not wanting to do anything that would ever make her look at him that way again.

He wasn’t certain how he felt about Christmas. It would be good to see the Burrow again; it was a place that truly felt like home, and he missed it. It would also be good to be somewhere different from last year, so the memories would be easier to take. Still, the idea of spending the day with all the Weasleys and the Grangers left him feeling slightly lonely. He was happy Remus would be there, too.

The object of his musings walked through the door, followed closely by Tonks and Charlie Weasley. Harry hadn’t seen Charlie since the First Task, now over two years ago. He looked good, sun-tanned and healthy. He reached out a weather-beaten hand to shake and asked, “How are you, Harry?”

“I’m fine. When did you get back?”

“Just home for Christmas. It’s been awhile, so I took a few days off.”

“And has proceeded to torment the rest of us since arriving,” Tonks grumbled, smiling at Charlie fondly.

Harry noticed a dark look cross Remus’s features, but he moved to the counter and poured a drink for himself without saying a word. Harry glanced somewhat nervously between Tonks and Remus, unsure what was happening. Neither would look at the other, and Tonks paid far more attention to Charlie. Remus continued to brood. Harry’s mind flashed on an image of Sirius pouring himself a drink the year before, looking much the same as Remus did now.

“I’m going to go up and surprise Ron and Ginny,” Charlie said, after an uncomfortable silence. “We’ll catch up later, Harry.”

Tonks squeezed Harry’s arm. “I’ll just leave you two to talk.” She made her way out, without saying a word to Remus, before Harry could respond.

He turned accusatory eyes on Remus. “Where have you been?”

Lupin sighed. “I owe you an apology, Harry, and I know it. I never should have let Severus get to me that night, and I certainly shouldn’t have pulled away from you again.”

Harry swallowed but forced himself to continue. “Why did you, then?”

Remus paused a moment, seeming lost in his own thoughts. “I can’t honestly say. Perhaps it is a force of habit. I’m not cut out for this role, and I know it. I suppose I needed to go through another bout of self-loathing. I’ve become good at it.”

Harry knew what that felt like. “Is that what this is all about?” he asked, nodding in the direction of the Firewhiskey. “It’s what Sirius was doing, too.”

Remus looked up quickly, a shocked expression on his face. “I suppose you’re right. I hadn’t quite caught the similarity to Padfoot.”

“Is that why Tonks is mad at you?” Harry asked, purposely ignoring the reference to his godfather. He didn’t want to go there now.

Remus smiled at Harry’s foresight. “Yes. I think it’s better that we keep some distance. There’s too much going on right now to be sidetracked.”

“So, you’ve pushed her away and towards Charlie? I suppose you’re right.” Harry was thinking more about Ginny now. Was this the right time to start something? He shouldn’t drag her into his mess; she’d only end up hurt no matter how it ended.

“No!” Remus seemed to be reading Harry’s thoughts. “I wasn’t talking about you; I was talking about me. Ginny is good for you, Harry; don’t you dare push her away over some foolish noble ideals.”

“What difference does it make if it’s you or me?”

“Because our situations are entirely different. You’re not a werewolf; there are certain factors to consider.”

“No, I’m just doomed to fight Voldemort.”

“Harry, if you pull away from Ginny now and give up any measure of happiness you’ve found, then Voldemort has already won. If you allow him to steal the good things in your life, he wins.”

“And why is that different for you?”

A very slow, sad smile spread across Remus’s face. “You know what? You always remind me so much of James, but it’s just a physical thing. You are truly your mother’s son. That sounded remarkably like her. She, too, was very insightful.”

Harry swallowed again. “So, you’ll make things up with Tonks?”

“I’ll try. I’ve had a hard time letting anyone get close since I lost your parents and Sirius - even Peter - that night. There are a lot of things I wish I’d done differently. I wish I’d tried to contact Sirius and listen to what he had to say. I wish I’d made an effort to keep track of you. I truly thought you were better off without me, Harry. If I’d ever known…I’m so sorry, Harry.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“Sirius left a letter for me in his will…a letter telling me he’d be waiting on the other side to kick my arse if I didn’t do right by you. I feel like I’ve let you both down. I’d like to give it another shot, if you’ll let me. I’m not Sirius, and I’m not trying to take his place. I don’t think I ever could do that, but I’d like for us to build our own friendship. I’ve got Dumbledore’s Pensieve upstairs. I thought maybe after dinner you’d like to look at it. I put all good memories in there, but I’d rather you take Ginny or Ron with you to view them; I think it would be better than if you saw them alone.”

Harry thought about Remus’s words for a moment. He thought he’d like to try again with Remus, too; he was the last link Harry had to his parents and Sirius. He owed it to all of them to try, at least. “W-Will you come with us, too? You could answer any questions.”

Remus smiled gratefully. “Thank you, Harry; I’d be honored. Are you going to ask Ginny?”

“Both her and Ron, actually. I want them both to come. They, er-- they’ve both been great this year. I used to get jealous of the Weasley family and how close and loyal to each other they all were. I’ve come to realize that they treat me that way, too.”

Remus smiled. “I’m glad you found them, Harry.”

Neither noticed Molly peering in at them from the doorway. Tears filled her eyes as she heard Harry’s last words and saw the wonder on his face. She instantly made a final decision about a Christmas present she’d been thinking about for Harry.

As she entered the room, both Remus and Harry smiled at her. Harry could feel warmth and affection radiating from her, as well as an intense curiosity. He knew she was thinking about the Pensieve.

He was nervous about asking so many people to view these memories with him, but this was his new family, and he wanted them to see his old one. They’d welcomed him with open arms when they never had to, and he knew he needed them all in his life. He never would have survived the loss of Sirius without them.

“Mrs. Weasley, I know you heard about the Pensieve memories,” Harry began.

Molly colored red like her children did when embarrassed. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to pry.”

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Harry said. He felt very shy about asking her this. “Would you want to see them with us?”

Tears filled Molly’s eyes, as she once again wrapped her arms around the boy she considered a son. “If you’re certain, Harry, I’d be honored. I never knew James or Lily, but I would love to get the chance.”

“After dinner, then.” Harry braced himself for it.

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